Sheer Silliness

The following silliness is attributed to various anonymous Internet sources, and connects tangentially with our current sermon series on John 6, the Bread of Life:

A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, “Smell of baked bread may be health hazard.” The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down the ozone layer (I’m not making this stuff up). I was horrified. When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread?

Well, I’ve done a little research, and what I’ve discovered should make anyone think twice:

• More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

• Fully half of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

• In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.

• More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

• Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

• Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and osteoporosis.

• Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

• Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.

• Bread has been proven to absorb water. Because the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

• Newborn babies can choke on bread.

• Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

• Most American bread-eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide “Just Say No to Toast” campaign, complete with celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of “bread-free” zones around schools.

Please Remember: Think idiotically, act globally.

Trying to be a Hammer?

Kent Shaffer, of churchrelevance.com, starts a conversation about church purpose with this idea and question.

A toolbox with all hammers isn’t very effective. You can hit nails, pry, and not much more. A good toolbox has hammers, wrenches, files, and screwdrivers. It has a drill, some pliers, and plenty of other tools.

So why do so many churches try to be a hammer?

Eugene Cho of Quest Church (Seattle, WA) recently blogged about the pursuit so many churches have to be a megachurch. He states:

Megachurches only comprise 1% of the churches in North America. But then why do the majority of the conferences revolve around the megachurches and their pastors?

I think megachurches and their leaders are doing phenomenal ministry. I really do. But we’ve elevated this 1% as the epitome and face of a successful ministry and created a machine of conferences, publishers, books, and networks based on this very limited expression.

[I’d ask why do the majority of church lay leaders dream of becoming a megachurch and push to emulate their practices as a solution to church decline?]

Craig Groeschel of LifeChurch.tv (Edmond, OK) puts it this way:

In order to reach people that no one is reaching, you will have to do things that no one is doing. But in order to do things that no one is doing, you can’t do what everyone else is doing.

Above all else, never lose focus of staying true to your church’s purpose. If God wants you to be a hammer, be a hammer. If God wants you to be a wrench, be a wrench.

We’re in the process of gaining clarity of what God wants us to be and do. Thank you to those of you who are participating in the Five Practices Planning Groups.

Planning Strategies for the 21st Century

Tim Hurson, at the Think Better blog, weighs in on two planning approaches, which he labels Sudoku and Scrabble strategies. I've included his post, but we all can benefit from his insights by keeping up with his blog.

I've noticed a tendency for C-Suite executives to emerge from planning retreats with what I call Sudoku Strategies — plans predicated on the comforting assumption that the future is just waiting out there, and if we can only describe it clearly enough, we can project ourselves into the neat picture we've painted.

Of course, unlike in Sudoku, there's no guarantee that the future will consist of neat rows of the numbers 1 through 9. In real life, there are often numbers missing (where did that 7 go anyway?) or repeating numbers (I thought that 3 was supposed to last only one quarter!), or negative numbers (minus 6! where did that come from?). Often a row may not contain numbers at all — but rather blanks, or letters, or characters as yet entirely unknown to us.

If we could predict the future, there wouldn't have been a dot-com bust, a mortgage meltdown, or airlines in a tailspin because of oil at $130 a barrel.

Sudoku Strategies look great on paper, but often do more to mask the truth than to reveal it. Even the most carefully constructed strategy will lead to failure if it prevents us from seeing beyond its neat nine-by-nine box. As the legendary Prussian General, Helmuth von Motke, said, No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.

But wait a minute — what about that old chestnut, He who fails to plan, plans to fail? Surely we need to plan.

Yes, we do. The answer to the apparent contradiction lies in the wisdom of Dwight Eisenhower, who said, In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable. It's not the plan that's important, but the process of planning. By planning — and then being ready to abandon the plan if necessary — we learn about our own capabilities, our shortcomings, and our assumptions. We begin to understand ourselves and the conditions that prevail now. We understand that our greatest strength is the ability to adapt. Without this, we cannot respond effectively to the unpredictable and inevitable changes ahead.

I prefer Scrabble Strategies. In a Scrabble game, you have a limited number of variables to work with, and an infinite, but uncertain future. You have a good chance of winning if you continually assess current conditions and imagine future possibilities. But if you're not willing to abandon your ideas when they become unworkable, you will lose.

To Twitter or Not to Twitter

How many of you are connecting with your social network on a Twitter account?

Here's a post that made me think. What do you think?

Is Your Church Social - Part 16 - Twitter – The Top Ten Reasons for Churches to Twitter

Twitter is growing in popularity right along with Facebook. So, why should the church care? Here’s my top ten reasons for churches to Twitter:

1. You can connect to cell phones via text messaging. So, any member with a cell phone would be connected.

2. Twitter is faster than email, easier than phone calls, and more manageable than group text. You can notify people instantly because it’s a cell phone text (or at least can be) as opposed to email which people may not check regularly. It’s especially helpful for urgent messages (“The youth group will be a little late getting back from the concert”) and last minute reminders.

3. Twitter can give visitors a personal insight into your ministry. Non-church members can get a very good idea of what the people and ministry are like just from viewing the tweets.

4. You can include links in tweets such as links to more info, signup forms, or just a link to your church website. This can improve responsiveness from congregants and increase traffic to your website.

5. You can put feeds on your website. This is extremely helpful in keeping the pages of your church website up to date with the latest news while informing your members at the same time.

6. You can use twitter to develop relationships between staff and members as well as members and members. While there are many reasons people may visit or join a church, relationships tend to be what keep members. Twitter gives another way for members to develop more personal relationships with each other. Twitter also gives a way for members to be more personally connected with the pastor and other church staff. This is especially good for larger congregations when the pastor and staff don’t have enough time to show individual personal attention to all the church members in the meaningful way.

7. You can send sermon point reminders during the week so members keep the sermon message in mind. Do the same for Bible studies, youth group messages and Sunday school memory verses.

8. You can have multiple Twitter accounts so you have one for each ministry. This allows communication with your members to be targeted so people are only receiving messages related to them.

9. Twitter is world wide. Anywhere people have their cell phone or internet access they can receive your church’s Tweets or post Tweets themselves.

10. Twitter is free and simple enough that most anyone can use it.

What do you think are the best features of Twitter for churches?

Overcoming our Fears

What an enjoyable time we had at the Mystery Dinner last Saturday evening! Amidst the fun, we gave voice to some of the fears we have engaging new ideas, the resistances we naturally experience in the face of change.

Afraid that this process will generate more talk than action? Too late; the change has already started. Studies tell us that any time an individual or an organization formulates and verbalizes a question, the question starts producing change simply in its asking. As we have been talking with each other over the past couple of years, change is already underway. Five Practices has now given us a common vocabulary, which we’ve not had before, upon which to converse and organize. Five Practices fits so well with our previously-stated values that it has already made an impact, even if we end the journey here and now.

Afraid that this process will generate more chaos than control? This is a legitimate concern, if control is what being the church is about. As you read both the Old and the New Testaments, would you conclude that being God’s people is about being in charge or is there another source of authority which often creates chaos? The story of the Book of Acts, for example, is all about the apostles learning to give up control to the authority of Christ through the living, daily work of the Holy Spirit. It felt like chaos to them. The question is not How can we keep things under control? but What is God up to and how can we join in?

Afraid that this process will bring too much change? I’d like you to think of the alternative: Is dying as a congregation more of a change than living and growing as a congregation?

Thank you to the core of members who, along with the Session, have been inspired to step up and are taking ownership of the church’s future as we continue in the Five Practices follow-through phase, attempting to follow the leading of God’s Spirit.

To paraphrase Mohandas Gandhi: Be the change you wish to see in the church.

Church is a Tag-Team Sport

Kevin Hendricks, at Church Marketing Sucks blog, lifts up a comment from Mark Batterson:

I love wild-goose-chaser and National Community Church pastor Mark Batterson's blog entry this morning: Church is a Tag-Team Sport. It's a good reminder of the powerful word of mouth, person to person spread of Christianity that has been so effective over 2,000 years.

The best form of advertising always has been and always will be word of mouth. ... We believe that church is a tag-team sport. When NCCers walk in they tag our worship team and creative team and teaching team and say, "Go for it." When NCCers walk out we tag them and say, "Go for it."

Tag. You're in.

Rhythms of a Disciple

Thought I would pass along this insightful blog post by Jason Salamun from his Thinking in Progress blog

I wrote this for my church and thought I’d share it with you all. Hope you find it beneficial.

Being a Christian is so much more than a mere label, it’s a way of life. A pattern that’s integrated into everyday life not because we have to but because we get to. Not so much out of religious obligation but compelled by a love for God and people. Love is what a disciple of Jesus should be known for and these are the rhythms we are striving for.

Follow
Above all, we seek to know, love, and follow Jesus in our thoughts, words, and actions. In every day and every moment, we look to Jesus as our great King and example. Following Jesus is a series of next steps, each resulting in us becoming more like him. His footsteps may be large but they mark the path of the life in full.

Sent
Jesus sends us out, on mission, into culture, to be salt and light everywhere we go. In this sense, we are missionaries wherever we are.

Explore
To love God with all our minds means we are to be curious and filled with wonder at what God has revealed- in particular in the scriptures. By regularly reading the bible, we learn what it means to live the lives we’re meant to live and we are shaped by the very words of God. We also discover more about our Creator and his creation in all realms of learning through story, wisdom, song, nature, imagination, and more. However, our highest authority is our divine conversation with Jesus through the reading of scripture.

Eat
We choose not to waste our meals. We will seek to commune with others when possible and view each meal as a blessing from God. With each food and drink we consume, we will remember the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf as his body was broken and blood was shed for us.

Presence
We reject any notion that we are to create our own subculture. Instead, we dwell within culture in order to influence, shape, and redeem it. We believe this whole world and everything, and everyone in it, belong to God. Like Jesus, we choose to enter the story in order to change the story.

Listen
We are charged to love God and our neighbor as ourselves. One tangible expression of love is listening. We will take opportunities to hear the stories of others. To rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. We also will listen to God and create deliberate moments of silence and quiet our hearts before our Creator.

Party
Backyard BBQ’s, gathering at the local watering hole, inviting friends to our home for food and fun. These are just a few examples of what it means to party. We choose to celebrate and enjoy life with people inside and outside our community. This is what Jesus did. A good party is like a little drop of heaven on earth and is a way of life for the follower of Christ.

Bless
We are blessed by God to be a blessing to others. This can come in many forms. An encouraging email, a note of appreciation, a kind word, an unselfish act, a helping hand. Wherever your imagination takes you. Being a blessing is to make deposits into the accounts of people. Showing grace is to do so whether someone deserves it or not. We will look to tangibly bless others daily.

Grow
Growth is a natural byproduct of every healthy, living thing. This includes people. Since growth comes from God, we will continually fix our eyes on Christ, search our hearts for any cheap substitutes to him, and repent of our sin and place them at the feet of our King. We will seek to live lives of health and wholeness remembering there’s one throne and one source of genuine growth.

Include
The arm of God is big enough to wrap around the whole world. The least we can do is wrap our arms around our neighbor, the people we come across in our daily lives. We will not play favorites based on social status but view all people as equally valuable under an almighty God. Our community is one where people can belong before they believe and find grace overflowing. All are welcome to the table.

Pray
We will be a people of constant conversation and communion with God. As we live our lives, we will pray without ceasing according to God’s will. We will thank God, worship God, be honest to God, confess our sins to God, listen to God, and always seek opportunities to pray for others. Our hope is to be the go-to people for prayer in our relational networks without making a big show of it.

Share
We will seek to share our time, talent, and treasure with others. Generosity will flow out of the grace God has given us. We are to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share. We will be an authentic community who shares one another’s burdens with a battle cry that “no one stands alone.” This is pleasing to God and a fingerprint of a true disciple.

Fight
We will stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves and offer hope to the hopeless. We will fight against injustice and guilt-based religion by our actions and the Gospel. We agree with scripture and believe for justice to roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. In serving others, we serve Christ. We will never forget that our ultimate mission is to bring good news and be good news to those around us.

Romans 12:9-18 (ESV):

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”